5 Years Ago, I Married My Prince.

I can not believe it has been 5 years since saying "I Do". At some moments it feels like just days ago and then sometimes it feels like 500 years ago. Usually when it feel like 500 is when I look around me and see 2 children hanging on the hem of my skirt and the other one beckoning from across the room with those big brown eyes. I agree with one blogger who wrote that the summer months flew by quickly and we will never get to live those months, weeks, days, hours, minutes or moments ever again. Once lived they can never be relived. What wise words!!! Simple but profound. I spent a few moments looking through my wedding album and I think I probably sat there with a really silly smile on my face, but I was all alone so I it didn't matter if I looked silly or not. I noticed the normal things, like the size of my waist, the smoothness of my skin and the length of my hair, but I also looked a bit closer at the look in both mine and Ben's eyes and realized that in those eyes were hopes that are now my reality. How gracious is our God? I am amazed at all God has given me, and how much more it is then the ideas I had in my own head. I am truly thankful for all God has given me, and I am even a bit reminiscent in the harder times and how God was totally there to support and encourage us along the way. I know Jesus and I know His love, I pray that if you don't that you would ask Him to show you. He is willing to give you all your hopes if you just believe. He loves to prove Himself to His creation. He does it for me everyday.

All through God's Grace.

Discipline, Just call me Maria.

I have a birthday coming up in one month and my dearest friend Tammy blessed me (already) with a book called "Discipline" by Elizabeth Elliott. Now, I must preface this post by saying in the past I have not necessarily enjoyed books written by Mrs. Elliott. Well, to say books is a bit of an over exaggeration. I have only read but one, however the state of my spiritual being was not one that was longing to be stretched or disciplined. I was not in a place to hear someones tale of how much they wanted to be married and then finally after years of waiting finally get to marry the man of her dreams only to see him die in the honeymoon stage of their life together. This was not particularly encouraging to a single woman who wanted nothing more then to be married. I would probably glean much more out of the book if I was to read it now, not because I have arrived but I am at least not bitter about being single, since God graciously remedied that with a wonderful husband and children. So, now that you have the back story I will continue. My wonderful friend was reading this book by E.E. and I turned my nose up at the thought, because the only reference I have for this godly woman was that book I read in the self consumed age of my life, which hasn't exactly ended. However, my steadfast friend continued to encourage me in the idea of this book and how much it helped her and was a instrument of grace for her. (see me and Tammy are quite a bit alike, this can be wonderful and this can be annoying. She knows me and she can track my thoughts thus bringing clearer observations. I must add she always delivers in love.) So this being said, she gifted me the "Discipline" book for my birthday, a month early!!! Anyways, last night was Benjamin and I's night for communication time, reading of the scriptures and prayer. It was an awesome night, my favorite yet! So I started praying and it was leading towards asking God for help in being disciplined and diligent (UGH) so then I started searching scriptures in light of this new area of struggle. (not "new" like it just happened, but "new" as like God is kind enough not to bring all my areas of fault or lack at one time.) So then I read the first chapter of the book, and it was really good and short, which a mom with 3 little ones can truly appreciate. So this I say with caution maybe Mrs. Elizabeth Elliott is not so bad, maybe God can use her to speak to someone who totally relies on oneself to get through life, maybe her voice can reach the stubborn woman who lives in an illusion of self sustainment. YA THINK? So for this new found appreciation for this woman I truly thank you Tammy. Thank you for being my friend and loving me enough to give me a book by Elizabeth Elliott. To Mrs. Elliott, if you ever happen to read this, hey it is the Internet, please know your testimony and ministry are a blessing and I am just a sinner who sometimes loves the sin so much, I don't want anyone to remind me it is wrong. Deplorable isn't it? Thank you to you ladies who are faithfully doing what needs to be done to get to people who don't want to be gotten too.

So as I embark on this new area of sanctification in my life, I have discovered something new, something sad, something challenging and something hopeful. I was discussing with my other best friend Tami (yes there is a Tammy and Tami, both I would consider my best of friends, and yes it can get confusing) But I realized that there has really been nothing in my life that I have had to pray earnestly about, now I am not saying I don't pray, that is not a true statement, I do pray, but they usually goes something like this "God, this is my idea, if it is your idea too, allow it to come to pass, if it is not of you then close the door or change my mind." then within a very short amount of time, I do whatever was being prayed for. So now I find myself praying about something I can do nothing about immediately or in the very near future. If this event or circumstance is to happen then it will only be because God allowed or made it happen. Since, this is a seed of a desire in my heart and also Ben's we are just praying about it, I am being diligent not to add to the desire by flirting or drawing out information, it is just a quiet prayer. So, since this will take "Discipline" then I thought it best if I add another part of my life to this dedication. I think I am going to start training for a marathon. Go ahead laugh, I'll wait...... OK you finished? Seriously, I have never been very diligent or disciplined when it came to exercising or getting into shape, which is kinda weird because I actually love taking classes. However, classes cost money and right now we are on a tight budget, so I thought I could do this with out spending money. So this is just an idea and I haven't given myself a start date. So don't push me about it. However, if you have suggestions I would gladly and graciously accept them. I know, if you know me at all, this is quite ghastly and really funny. However, I was looking at my bucket list (which was created before the movie-it just had another name.) and there was nothing on the list that actually took discipline to achieve. Example: go to Ireland, see Aerosmith in concert, be kissed in the rain, nothing that took determination and hard work and "DISCIPLINE" so this is the reason for such an outlandish idea. Not that I want my bucket list to be dreaded, I don't but I also want it to be something I can look at and give God all the glory for because in the midst of it I also grew more into His image. Who knows maybe after I learn to run, I can run to an Aerosmith concert, actually I've already seen Aerosmith, so maybe I can run through the hills of Ireland. Just call me Maria!!!

Delightful

So here we are again over a month has passed and I am just getting back to you all. CRAZY!!! I feel like you all are my own little audience and when I neglect you I feel bad. So I hope this delay in relating the goings on in our world will be thus forgiven once explained what we have been up to as of late. SERVING, yes you heard me correctly SERVING. "How, you ask?" "What ways, you ask?" "When, you ask?" Well, it all started when in my moment by moment ability to get a quiet time I humbly asked God to use me care for people that they might know who He is through hospitality and care. Wow, did He deliver!!! We had a whirl wind of a few weeks when our house was bubbling over in activity and visitors. We enjoyed every moment, however when the last meal was eatin, the last load of laundry was done and the last person left, we felt much relief. I pray that our home and our hearts felt open to those who came to visit. I pray they were blessed as much as we were.
I am however rejoicing in this week of complete rest. My wonderful husband wisely decided that this week would have absolutely nothing planned for it. He planned for each day of the week to be used as a rest and family time leading up to our 5 year anniversary. As money is tight for us, much like it is for you too, most likely, we are going to celebrate this anniversary at home and spending time with eachother and the kids. So as much as that may sound very uneventful for a 5 year anniversary, I assure you uneventful is exactly what I am looking forward to. However, if I could have one thing for my anniversary, it would be to have more time to commit to quiet time and sewing. I don't know what about the fall makes me crave to sew, but I do. I love it and I have just finished making dresses and bloomers for the girls. They are precious!!! I also want to bake, but with baking you have to finish what you start and right now I need something I can pick up and put down whenever time calls. As I sew I have been listening to John Piper's message on Romans. It has been amazing. All I can say is it is all by His Grace!!! I am bringing nothing to the table, other then sin!!! So go and I pray that each time I listen I come to grips with the saving power of Christ on the cross. Well, I will try to post some pictures soon of the kiddos and the dresses I've sewn. I have to download all my camera stuff to the computer. AUGH, maybe that is what I will ask Ben for our Anniversary!! ;)

I am such a blogging slacker

I am such a slacker, I know. I so love to write my thoughts and my life's happenings down here, but lately I am having a hard time finding time to do much of anything I LOVE to do. So much time is used up doing the things I HAVE to do. You know like, cleaning the house, cleaning clothes, and fixing meals. I do have to say, that I took a week and half off of doing the things that should be done and just did the stuff that had to be done, so that I could read a series of books. So that one indulgent (OK, four) left me a bit behind the power curve so this week I busted it getting my life and family more organized. With the help of Elizabeth Berry I have a playroom, that is more user friendly. I have also done some research and dug up some ideas for the kids to do for fun and learning.
Now, that it seems my "world" is in better order, I can also relate to you that my "World" is also in a better place. By "World" I mean my relationship with God, because without him my "world" would not be in order. God is my World and I live to serve and praise Him. He has been so kind to me to show me my sin. I know, because He loves those He disciplines. I believe everyone this side of heaven has a thorn in the flesh. I also believe we can, with God's help and grace, remove said thorn. However, my thorn is the disgusting sin of Self Righteousness. I learned I suffer from this thorn back somewhere in the latter part of 90s. I have seen it destroy my friendships and hinder my relationship with God. I have hated this sin since it first was brought to my attention. I hate it still. I felt that through God's grace I had seen some victory over said sin, however I have been freshly aware that it covers much more then what I had previously thought. I recently have discovered I was finding it difficult to forgive people of offenses or sin, when they had not directly asked me for forgiveness (this is only a struggle for me if the offender is a believer. I seem to have much more grace for those who are of no faith and will burn in hell for their unbelief). I have been wrestling with it for sometime. My selfish prayer and plead to God was "God, please just make (offender's name here) disappear, move, vanish. Whatever so that I don't have to be associated with them or have to deal with them any longer." So, realizing this is quite selfish (sometime ago) decided not praying about it or them was a good answer. (I never claimed to be a genius). After so long my attitude of hatred, disdain, and loathing became apparent to those around me, and shockingly, to the offender also. I had to face the truth and I new it was going to hurt. So I summed up enough courage to make my inability to forgive someone when they had not asked for forgiveness known to the people I love and sincerely admire in my care group. They were very kind, and gracious in showing me that my self righteousness, yet again, was at work here and big time. I had put my forgiveness above God's forgiveness. I had said by my actions and attitude that "God's forgiveness of Christ crucified is not enough for what you've done, you need my forgiveness." What a horribly sick and twisted way to think and act. I am at a loss for this. I had thought, when I was first recognizing my lack of forgiveness, that is was just this one person, then I thought back at every past season of my life, and shocker, there is a person in every season that I have held a grudge against because they had not asked me for forgiveness or someone I loved. I had held offense to people for hurting my loved ones not even hurting me directly. I started to realize this sin is rooted much deeper then I ever thought. This could take the rest of my life to uproot. I started to get a bit overwhelmed and sad, but then I thought (thank you God) that I am not going to have to battle this in heaven, and that is more reason to look forward to heaven even more. Not that I am wanting it to come apart from God's timing, but I had an incorrect view of heaven in the past and now that is remedied. (that is a whole other topic for another day). So I am hard at work pulling this weed of self righteousness out of my life by prayer and meditation on my Saviors word. I know that I may never get the root out this side of heaven, but I know I am forgiven by my God, because He sent His Son to die for me in my place to satisfy the wrath He rightly held for me. I humbly ask that you too, would forgive me for my self righteous attitude, thoughts and words that have hurt or tore you down. I do not want to hurt you, but to love you like Christ loves me. Forgive ME!!!

Lost in a book

So many of you know that I have a love for "The Wizard of Oz" and thanks to my best friends I was able to see "Wicked" the musical in May. Well, I have recently been engaged in a book. Ok, engaged does not really fully explain the past few weeks, enthralled would be more like it. I have been reading "Wicked" and all I can tell you is that the only thing these three versions have in common is a green witch, other then that they are all completely different and the hero's and the villains are all different. I found myself wide awake at midnight after finishing the book with so many questions and feelings. I felt betrayed by my childhood experience of Oz. But I regress, they are all equally entertaining and thought provoking. I have seen every version of the Wizard of Oz, even "The Wiz", starring Micheal Jackson to the "Wizard of Haa's" starring Jr. the Asparagus. So my new venture is listening to the "Son of a Witch" by Gregory MaGuire (author of "Wicked") I thought I could get more "homemaking" stuff done if the book was read to me then for me to neglect my duties because of a book. So far it is great! I am on chapter 8. So if you know of any other versions of this beloved classic and can recommend them, I would appreciate it. So far of all the characters of the the classic, Elphaba is my favorite and the most I can relate too. I love it, her metamorphosis into the Wicked Witch is where we differ. I am sure if my kids could tell you their side they would disagree!! Sometimes my sinful tendencies would mirror the character of the Wicked Witch of the West more then the good in Elphaba or Dorothy. Anyway, enough about this and on to what we have been doing, other then reading.

Benjamin has started working at Panhandle Orthopedic as a nurse and he loves it. He has only been there 4 days now, so things are pretty hectic and overwhelming. He has already gotten a nickname, "Gentle Ben", which is self explanatory. If you know Ben you know how true that is. We are all so glad to have him home with us and available in the evenings and weekends. The kids really missed him and I have been half a person for this past year. I am trying to adjust to having a husband again and to not think singly. It is a challenge but we are working through it. God is so faithful to provide all we need for our lives together and I truly love my best friend and soul mate. The one God created for me and I for him. God is great and true and above all He is Love.

Olin, well he is getting so big. I am planning his 3rd b-day party and I can't believe he is going to be 3. Where has the time gone. He is talking my ear off, and loves to tell stories about, whatever. He does not walk anywhere and he has more energy then all the family put together, it is truly amazing. We are trying to get him potty trained, but it is not going so well. I know you may think I am a horrible mom, but I am not going to push it, I have pushed it in the past and that makes it miserable for everyone. So, as far as it goes now, he is semi potty trained. If any of you think you can do it better or think I am inept, be my guest. I invite you over and see what you can do. I am open to learning, but if you suggest the cheerios, done it. The m&ms, done it. The prize, done it. The discipline, done it. The stickers, done it. Potty training in a day, done it. However, he is doing very well with is ABC's, colors, and numbers. He has even learned some Spanish. I am very encouraged because he loves to learn and asks questions all the time. He is my little man and he knows he is.

Mollee, is getting so much personality. WOW! We have recently purchased a children's praise CD, called "To Be Like Jesus" from Sovereign Grace Music and we have nearly worn it out. Mollee comes to me and says, "dance" and I push play on the CD player in the kitchen and that girl dances through the whole CD. She watches her reflection in the oven. I love it and it makes me laugh. Today, was a big day. I actually got her hair into a ponytail and she looks so cute. Her hair is growing back nicely. About a week or so ago, Mollee's vocabulary just exploded and I love to hear her talk, she sounds like a little munchkin. Unfortunately, Mollee has my temperament and character flaws, so hopefully she will be better at working through them then I have been. She is such a princess and a girly girl. I love it.

Addalynn just turned 6 months old this past Sunday and she is doing great. She has learned how to rollover and giggles anytime someone talks to her. She is very ticklish, she laughs the whole time you change her clothes. Olin calls her a sweetie pie and that is so accurate. I noticed she is chewing on things so she maybe teething and soon a tooth may appear. She still seems so little, but then again she is. She was weighed on Tuesday and she weighs 13lbs. She is just now moving into a size 2 diaper and wearing 0-3 month clothing. Her hair is still dark and her eyes are a green color. I think she will have dark skin like her daddy. She is a true joy and a wonderful baby. I am so unbelievably blessed.

That is our lives, pretty much. I am trying to do better at keeping you all informed. Thank you for reading. God Bless.

2 in a row

Ok, so pick yourself up from the floor and sit back down on your chair. I know shocking that I am blogging 2 days in a row. I have found more peace in our home and thus more time to spend doing the things I love, without feeling guilty. So I have to tell you that today I put Olin and Mollee in the wagon and Addy Jane in her stroller and with Gigi's help we walked to "Read it Again" book store where I had credit do to some book I had taken up there earlier this summer. So each child, excluding Addy Jane, (because she could really careless) got to pick out a book for our special Friday treat. Olin picked out a Curious George book and Mollee picked out an animal picture book. They were so excited to look at their books all the way home. Olin kept wanting to read his to Mollee and Mollee just wanted to look at her's in peace. They make me laugh. Our walk home was wonderful! God allowed the clouds to gather for our benefit and the breeze just kicked up sweetly. It was a memory making moment. We unloaded both the wagon and the stroller and I made everyone smoothies and we all sat at the table while Gigi read "Peter Pan". I also walked away with a few books of my own. I got my own copy of "Wicked" and I can return the copy I am reading now back to the library. For our homeschool library and for fun, I got "My First 100 Words in Spanish", "Teaching Kids to Love the Earth, a idea book for outdoor activities for parents" and finally, "Walt Disney's Stories from Other Lands." I am super excited about new books and they make me happy. I look forward to thumbing through them and eventually reading them in depth later. God Bless.

"Where Have I Been?"

Well as you can imagine with 3 children under the age of 3, the answer is "A Bit Busy." However, I would like to express my failure, my sin and my delight at serving a gracious God that doesn't allow me to stay there. So, since February 2nd (the day Addy Jane was born) I have been in a tizzy, for lack of a better word. Her tumultuous birth and the long weeks that followed to this present day I have been going and going with no direction or purpose. Now, I am not saying I don't have purpose, I was just not acting purposeful. See the difference? I know people say, "You have 3 small children, there are seasons...", but I was using this as a crutch. I have had a sinful mindset that a Proverbs 31 woman was attainable so why try, just do what has to be done and try to make to the next day. Well, as you can imagine that does not serve anyone and certainly doesn't glorify God. I am a sinner in need of a savior. I am the low of the low and need Him to envision me and help me see His purpose. I have been convicted recently, thank you Lord, and I am now challenged to live in pursuit of the Proverbs 31 woman. I have recently been introduced to a blog called www.passionatehomemaking.com and have found it to be most informative and encouraging. Thanks to a wonderful and God fearing friend, Stephanie Stone. Your spontaneous visit inspired me and I thank you for coming by. I have found joy in the small steps I am taking to make my home more loving, warm and joyful and healthy. Most of you know Ben graduated and has recently been hired as an LPN (Thank you God for answering my prayers.) Since, he will be getting a job, we are now responsible for money. I know that sounds weird, but for the last 14 months, we have been blessed by friends and family who have provided for our bills and other living expenses have been paid via a 3rd party. As we have been very diligent at not racking up any debt and have minimized our monthly outgoing for the sake of others, now we are given the reigns back and I want to be more diligent then I have been in the past at how we handle such a responsibility. I have been so blessed by Tammy Brown, and Joy Zarate, who have explained and explained and explained the CVS and Publix thing to me a dozen times and who have been readily available to answer anytime I call. I love those ladies. I have put into practice what I have learned and I am exploring other avenues to help me and my family live healthful, inexpensive lives. Benjamin and I have been going through the Financial Peace University with Dave Ramsey and that has also inspired a new passion for being financially stable and secure. I am asking you to hold me to this standard, the Proverbs 31 woman standard. I am open to your comments, suggestions, and advice. You also know I am always open to your observations and desire for you to speak into my life. This is not a blog of a woman who has "made it" or has the inside scoop (if you have been online lately there are tons of those.) This is a blog of a woman who is trying to make it to heaven with scars, and battle wounds and a smile on my face to see my God and to hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."